Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
