Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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