Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
even my farts smell like vagina
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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