I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
