not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
