Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
