Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
false alarm, still single
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
