Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
