We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
