Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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