he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everclear isn't food dammit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize