Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
