I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
