ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
