Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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