I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
