dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
