I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
