The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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