you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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