I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
