I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
