How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize