On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
