I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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