the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
