it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
