I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
