wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
