Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
