We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
