chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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