You just made me feel so damn special
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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