I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
