Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize