I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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