I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
