I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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