Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
