I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
