Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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