Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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