idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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