i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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