From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
