Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
