my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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