okay pat passed out under dana's car
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
