cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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