dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
