if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize