I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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