Betty ford says i'm here all night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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