His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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