His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
