Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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