Apparently you make a good broom.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
