It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
