i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i've created a new STD.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
