she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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