Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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