well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
