careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
